Uncompromising Balance

Since I've had kids my life has been all about simplification.  Especially lately.  I've been trying to strip things down to the essentials.  To cut through all of the excess and get to what really matters, what is truly important.  I've been learning to say "No" to the extras so that I have more time, more energy, even more money to say "Yes" when it means the most.  It is a liberating feeling to shed the burdens, both physical and mental.  It's even more liberating to release myself from the guilt or even dissatisfaction that goes with the "not enough" philosophy.  

However (you knew it was coming, right?), I am finding that there are things that I don't want to simplify, my whole being rebels at the very idea.  It's probably also some of the things I most need to simplify.  I have jokingly referred to myself as having "Crafting ADHD" because I have far too many hobbies and bounce around doing too many projects and have too many Big Ideas.  I'm a total spaz when it comes to inspiration, and it's hard to settle on one thing for very long.  Most of the time I manage to complete the projects, but until they're done they take over my brain, my life, my house, and my money.  Unfortunately, there are plenty of times when I get the Big Idea, make purchases for the Big Idea, and then fizzle.  It's embarrassing to admit, but I have a whole room full of fizzled Big Ideas.  This is an area of my life that is ripe for simplification, ready to cut out the excess of Big Ideas that take over my life and Fizzlers that suck up space in my brain and in my house.   I know I should take control of those Big Ideas and change them into Little Ideas that don't take over my life.  Or if I can't manage to simplify the idea, then I need to say "No" before it simply becomes another Fizzler.  

I.   just.  can't.  do.  it.

I've thought about this.   A lot.  Why am I unable to successfully simplify here?  

Here's what I've discovered:  my life right now is full of compromises, it's full of accepting less than the ideal.  Not in a bad way.  It's actually very positive that I've been able to let go of enough perfectionism that I can actually live my life and be happy with what is rather than what I think it should be.  It's healthier for me and it's healthier for my family.  It's being flexible and adaptable and it's necessary.  My life and my work right now is so very intangible.  Most of what I do all day every day is not something to be seen or held or measured.  So, when I actually do have something that I've worked on, spent time on, something that will last longer than 5 minutes, I don't want to compromise.  I want to be able to dream big and create big.  I want perfection.  I don't think that's such a bad thing.  It's balance.  It's retaining control or perfectionism in one small area of my life so that I can relinquish control and perfectionism in the areas of my life where those two qualities would do the most damage.  

And, balance, that precarious juggling act of everyday life, is the whole point.

Right?